Please note this is meant as a joke. I hope it does not offend anyone, if it does, please accept my apology.

Is this Obama’s new war policy and planned cuts. I just got this from a friend in the United States.

Top Secret
Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act of The United States of America (2007), you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on stanby for possible service in the American Conflict in Iraq and other nasty places.

You may shortly be ordered to depart for The Middle East where you will join either the US Special And Suicidal Group or the 1st Battalion Prison and Airport Security Regiment.

Due to my promised cuts in the Navy, Air Force and problems with United Airlines it will be necessary for you to make to your own way to the combat zone. The USDF through Atlantic and Pacific Allies have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one-way trips with Freedom Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer.

Because of cutbacks in Government expenditure that I promised in my election speech, it will necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:

Combat Jacket
Trousers (preferably khaki - but please no denim)
Tin Helmet (Your Grandfathers WW2 helmet will suffice)
Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
Gas Mask
Map of the combat zone (the 1:2800 Outdoor Leisure Map of Iraq will do)
Rifle (hunting scope optional, no shotguns please)
Ammunition (preferably to suit previous weapon)
Suntan Oil

If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a LAV III as delays to to political interference may not see us able to issue you with one before you leave.

By teaming up with 10 of your bro’s it should make the outlay a little easier on your pocket. We understand that Russia is currently offering all US servicemen options on the gun and a 15% finance deal, but hurry, as offer is only available while stocks last.

There may be little time for pre deployment training before your departure and so we advise that you hire DVDs of the following films and try to pick up a few tips as you watch:

Rambo I and II
The Guns of Navarone
Kelly’s Heroes
Apocalypse Now
The Longest Day

In closing I would like to stress that you will be well led, well prepared, funded to our bestest ability and fully supported by the US Government and the people of our country.

Barack Obama
Commander In Chief
United States President

(Sponsored by Hershey’s, The Offical snack of WWIII)

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!